When I was around 18 years old, I was attracted to the concept of waiting. I kept on thinking about what waiting was. At that moment, I realized that the verb form of esperar/waiting was esperanza/hope. Both esperar and esperanza are Spanish. Living is waiting for death. And in the process between life and death, there is a lot of hope. That was a lovely idea! It sparked in my heart. I also remembered that I discovered my favorite film when I was around 18 years old. “The Spirit of the Beehive/El espíritu de la colmena” directed by Víctor Erice is still my favorite movie. It is also a Spanish movie and colored on my image of waiting.
After I started to work in a company, I became a part of a social system. In that social system, waiting was waste. I struggled between hope and waste for years. When I decided to quit being a cog in the machine, I needed to retreat to regain hope in waiting. I carefully started to slow down my life. For that I chose to go to graduate school. I remember my first moment at graduate school. I felt I entered a sweet space. I could easily allow myself to follow my curiosity. I could easily choose to compete with others or not. My main research site was Kagurazaka. This local community holds a soft and warm space for outsiders like me. People in this community were very soft like touching a cat’s belly. They gave me some space to free a part of myself which I lost in my company days. That is the reason why I keep on using Kagurazaka as my workshop place. I will never forget their acceptance and love.
My graduate school experience successfully supported me to set me on the right track. The right track means waiting is hope. From these experiences, I think that slowing down brings a lot of hope in our life. We can easily recognize that we don’t need to rush even if the world pushes you. We can clearly realize that we don’t need much. So we don’t need to have a lot of money. We start to know who we are and what we want. Also we roll down to the path which awakens our visions. Visions can transcend generations and many kinds of differences. Then we start to fulfill our visions, not our egos. At that moment, for you, waiting will be hope itself. And I think that is what a human being is.
If you feel you are irritated by someone or something, you need to slow down and set yourself on a track full of hope. If you feel that you don’t have enough money or time, you also need to slow down and awaken yourself to know who you are. Just remember that waiting/esperar is hope/esperanza in all kinds of scenes in your life. There are no exceptions.