Capable people often conceal the strong pain of being rejected behind their competency. Because most of them have needed to prove themselves not to have the feeling of being rejected by their parents or caretakers.
While your parents or caretakers are under high pressure, they can not attune themselves to children’s minds. So most children feel that they can not get support from their parents or caretakers. In other words, children feel that they are rejected by them. And it is absolutely strong pain which brings a sense of powerlessness. For children this threatens their will to live.
So to avoid feeling such pain, children start to think that if they have more abilities, they can sweep away the sense of their incompetence. So they begin to enhance their attitude by being able to do everything by themselves perfectly. And the belief which supports their attitude grows. They believe that they are strong enough to endure everything alone. If they recognize their vulnerabilities, they start to remember awful pain and lose the will to live. So they hold on to their attitude. They don’t ask for help to escape from such desperate feelings which are still real in themselves.
They have a tendency to demand strength and perfectionism when they feel a sense of helplessness. And this pattern slowly creates some kind of chronic condition in themselves. And if you are like them, what you need is to attune yourself to your mind like. “It was really strong pain. I know it was awful. And it belonged in the past. Now it is safe. It happened in the past. And I know it was a desperate moment. It was truly pain.”